How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
