Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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