Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
