Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
