i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
