ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Text me some of your sweat
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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