The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
