I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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