if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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