do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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