ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
