I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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