ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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