i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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