so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Betty ford says i'm here all night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
