Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
