I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
