someone threw a dead crab at me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
