is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize