Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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