Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
