Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
