My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
