marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know her cup size but not her name....
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