you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
