He disabled his match.com account in front of me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
