so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
