Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
