Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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