the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
