I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
