ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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