We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize