you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
