Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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