is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
