I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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