After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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