Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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