i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize