Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
