Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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