I wanna bring you to show and tell
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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