What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish you could order shots online.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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