So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
