I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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