You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
