No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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