I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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