The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
