We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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