Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
a search helicopter?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
