It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
