we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
