He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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