i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
