I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
