Have you finally orgasmed yet?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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