another moral hangover. fuck.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
