She is in my trunk
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
