you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
