so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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