This is not my ceiling
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
