the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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