I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i permit you to call me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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