if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
