remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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