NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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