I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
