I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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