Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
